Ça va? Ça va.

Do you know how to speak French? No? Well, fear not! I've developed a very easy, very quick Introductory Course to the French language. I guarantee you that within 10 seconds - yes, I said 10 seconds! - you can be conversing with a native speaker with no problems*. Maintaining an entire conversation, asking questions, answering questions, and more!

*You might not understand exactly what you're saying, but the native speaker will understand. And it will be a perfectly legitimate conversation.

How is this possible, you ask? I'll tell you. My program hinges on the magic and power of two little words: ça va. Pronounced "sa va." Ça va. Got it? Good, then there you are: course completed. (That'll be $39.95, and I don't take checks.)

What's that? You want Intro to French: Part Deux? Well, that course takes a little bit longer. A minute, maybe two. For we go into detail about how to use "ça va" and what it means / why it works.

The reason that this simple two-word phrase works so well is because it means so many different things. Directly translated, it means "it goes / it's going." But it can mean so much more: "I'm doing fine / I'm alright," "it's OK," "that's enough / that's good," etc. AND, when inflected up at the end, it becomes a multipurpose question. Ça va? "How are you?," "Things going alright?," "Does that work for you?," "Is that [apparatus] working?," etc. Its beauty rests in its generic-ness. You can even split the two words and use ça as "this/that" and va as "go." Or mix, match and add to show emphasis: Ça va, ça? - "Are you SURE that's alright? That?!"

BHL

Therefore, when approached by a native French speaker, you can employ these two words and carry on a perfectly acceptable conversation with them. They will be so impressed with your French astuteness, they might even invite you over for some wine and cheese and a discussion on the ideas of Bernard-Henri Lévy. (Or, "BHL" as they call him. I guess he merits an acronym. Like NPH.)

I will give you an example of one such possible conversation to be held between YOU and a Native French Speaker (NFS). First I will give the terribly complex English version, and then I will show you how simple the conversation becomes in French.

[Meeting at a restaurant for lunch]
NFS:  Hey! How are you?
YOU: I'm good! How's it going?
NFS:  Not bad, not bad. How was your weekend?
YOU: It went pretty well. How about yours?
NFS:  Can't complain. *points to a scratch on your head* You OK?
YOU: This? *points to head* Yeah, no problem. It's feeling better.
NFS:  That's not hurting you, really?! OK, if it's fine...
YOU: No pain, not at all.
NFS:  *indicating water glass* You need a refill?
YOU: No, I've got enough.
NFS:  That's enough? You sure?
YOU: OK, go ahead... *pours* ...That's plenty.
NFS:  Oh, there's (my friend) Ava!
AVA:  Hi! How ya doing?
NFS:  I'm great! Ava, this is YOU. YOU, that's Ava.
AVA:  Hello, how are you?
YOU: Great. Yourself?
AVA:  Doing well, too. *looking at food* How's your lunch?
NFS:  The food tastes good! [to YOU, pointing to table/meal] Uhh, is it OK...if Ava...joins us?
YOU: Yeah, sure. That works.
NFS:  Ava?
AVA:  Sounds good. *points to food* Is that dish any good?
YOU: Yeah, it's really tasty...

And now, for the perfectly legitimate French version. (Including liner notes, so you're not lost.)

[Meeting at a restaurant for lunch]
NFS:  Salut! Ça va?
YOU: Ça va! Ça va?
NFS:  Ça va, ça va. Le weekend, ça va?
YOU: Ça va. Ça va?
NFS:  Ça va. *points to a scratch on your head* Ça va?
YOU: Ça? *points to head* Ça va, ça va.
NFS:  Ça va, ça?! OK, Ça va...
YOU: Ça va, ça va.
NFS:  *indicating water glass* Ça va?
YOU: Ça va.
NFS:  Ça va, ça?
YOU: OK, va... *pours* ...Ça va. 
NFS:  Oh, Ava, ça!
AVA:  Salut! Ça va?
NFS:  Ça va. Ava - ça, YOU. YOU - ça, Ava.
AVA:  Salut! Ça va?
YOU: Ça va. Ça va?
AVA:  Ça va. *looking at food* Ça va?
NFS:  Ça va! [to YOU, pointing to table/meal] Uhh, Ça va...Ava...ça?
YOU: Ça va, ça va.
NFS:  Ava?
AVA:  Ça va. *points to food* Ça va, ça?
YOU: Ça va...

...Seriously. Go back and check each of these lines against the English version. I translated it line by line. (Although, you'd be hard pressed trying to reverse-engineer such a conversation from French into English. Results may vary.)

And there you are. You just participated in an entire conversation by only using two words. And if you understand those two words and the occasional salut (Hi) and weekend (weekend), you understood the entire conversation. You should be proud of yourself! And to think, it only took seconds of your day to learn, ça!